12-17 years guidance
Introduction
As your child moves on from grade school and eventually goes to high school, they will grow and develop a lot, learning the skills they need to become an adult. There are many things you can do to help guide them during this process. You can find general advice for this below. If you have questions about how any of this should apply to your child, please check with your child's healthcare team.
Helpful websites
Sleep
As stated here, while children age 6-12 need 9-12 hours of sleep each day, teenagers age 13-18 only need 8-10 hours of sleep each day, which should not include any naps. It is important to have a consistent bed time and wake up time; letting your child "sleep in" on the weekends can make it much harder for your child to sleep well during the week. Having a consistent bedtime routine is helpful, and you can see advice for addressing several sleep problems below. Read through the "Helpful articles" for more detailed information.
Helpful articles
Bedtime routine
Having a consistent bedtime routine can make it easier to fall asleep at a reasonable time. Click on the button below for tips about a bedtime routine.
- Keep the lights low with no screens on an hour before bed. If your child must look at screens, try to use a night filter if able to minimize the blue light, as blue light exposure in particular can make it more difficult to sleep.
- Your child should not have caffeine in the afternoon or later and should not perform any activating activity such as exercise right before bed. Exercise earlier in the day may help improve sleep.
- Calming activities for the mind such as reading a book, coloring, doing puzzles, or listening to music can make it easier to fall asleep.
- Flossing and brushing the teeth before bed is a good idea. So is taking a shower if your child has not already done so that day. Your child can also get things ready for the next day, such as set aside which clothes they will wear, pack lunch if they bring food to school, put everything they need in their backpack, or whatever else is relevant.
If your child follows these steps and still has trouble falling asleep at a reasonable time, or has other sleep-related problems, look through the cards below.
Sleep problems
There are many different reasons children may have trouble sleeping well. You can click on any of the cards below to learn about specific issues:
Wakes often
Gets up early
Stays up late
Nightmares
Snoring
Noise/climate
Bedwetting
Nutrition
People often say "You are what you eat." It is important to help your child eat and drink healthily so they:
- consume enough energy for appropriate growth
- take in enough nutrients for good health
- adopt good eating habits to promote a positive mindset regarding eating
You can read through a general overview of nutrition for teenagers in this article. You can read through more specific advice below.
Helpful websites and articles
Liquids
Click on the cards below to learn about milk, water, juice, and how to provide these drinks to your child.
Milk?
Water?
Juice?
How to give?
Foods
Children should eat all the food groups and a variety of textures and flavors. The food groups include fruits, vegetables, grains, protein-foods, dairy, and oils. Click on the cards below to learn more about all of these, how to provide them in healthier or less healthy ways, and how much you should offer per day.
Fruits
Vegetables
Grains
Protein foods
Dairy
Oils
Adjusting eating based on your child's weight
Many families believe their child is underweight or overweight and want to help them with this. If you feel this way, it is great you want to help your child! You should first discuss this with your child's healthcare team, both to see if this is something that you actually do need to worry about and to look for any potential causes that should be treated. Then, whether your child is underweight, a healthy weight, or overweight, click on the appropriate button below to learn more.
- If your child does not seem to eat very much then it is even more important that they mostly eat the more nutritious foods to help ensure they get all the nutrients their body needs.
- You can attempt to add more calories to what they eat and drink by adding peanut butter, olive oil, or cheese to what they already eat. Read through this blog post for several other examples of how to add or modify foods to include more calories.
- You can consider making "weight gaining" shakes for your child to drink. This should not replace the food they eat, rather they should drink this in addition to the food they eat. You can try many different recipes with your child. For example, mix whole milk, oatmeal, peanut butter, and a banana together, put it in a blender, and see what this tastes like. Let your child help make these, find a recipe they like, and use this to add additional calories.
- If you try these tips and feel you are still not making progress, follow-up with your child's healthcare team for further advice.
- If your child is a healthy body weight then you should continue mostly offering the more nutritious food options discussed above.
- If your child wants bigger portions or seconds, you can generally let them have these. Children will eat more some days than others, and letting them follow their own hunger and fullness cues while eating mostly nutritious food options promotes healthy eating habits and is unlikely to cause too much weight gain.
- When someone is overweight this implies they are consuming more calories than their body needs. The main goal is to give your child the nutrients they need for good health without giving them too many calories.
- You should not try to rigorously count or track calories at this age.
- Thus, instead of worrying about exactly how many calories your child is consuming, focus on improving the eating habits to naturally decrease the amount of calories your child wants to consume. The next several points describe how to do this.
- You should mostly offer the more nutritious food options discussed above. This will help your child get the needed nutrients and these foods are more filling than snack and junk food options (such as chips, cookies, and cake).
- Usually foods that are less processed (such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grains) are more filling for the same number of calories than foods that are highly processed (such as most junk and snack food options).
- When the food is more filling this is good because your child will need to eat less of it to be satisfied.
- In addition to the more nutritious food options, you should offer food with some protein (such as meat, nut products, or eggs) and fiber (such as fruits or vegetables) at each meal and snack as these are more filling.
- Teach your child to eat to the point of no longer feeling hungry, not to the point of feeling full. If you feel full after eating that means you probably ate more than was needed.
- Try having your child wait 20 minutes between first and second servings of food.
- This is because it takes time for your brain to process the signals from the food you eat to actually feel full.
- Thus, have your child wait 20 minutes after a first serving before having seconds, and ask them if they are as hungry after the 20 minutes as they were right after they finished the meal.
- If they are not as hungry, that means they may need a smaller second serving, or none at all, to be satisfied.
- Teach your child the difference between "hunger" and "appetite" and that we want to eat for our hunger, not our appetite.
- Hunger is the need for food, where you are willing to eat pretty much any food because you need more energy.
- Appetite is the desire for certain types of food, such as a craving for something sweet.
- As an example, if you feel full after dinner and do not want any more of your meal, but you still have room for dessert, you are no longer hungry, rather your appetite is making you want the dessert.
- If your child brings food to school, they may also be eating additional food at school without you realizing this. You can ask your child directly if this is happening and then consider if this is contributing to too much weight gain.
- Many children will sneak food overnight or get food from other people without you realizing it. You can ask your child directly if this is happening and then consider if this is contributing to too much weight gain.
- If these tips are not helpful enough, ask your child's healthcare team for further advice.
Promoting healthy eating habits
Teenagers generally want more autonomy, or decision-making ability, and this certainly extends to eating habits. They may start ordering food on their own, walking or driving to a store to buy food, or taking food from anywhere in the house to eat. As a parent, you will not be able to control all of this, but you can still help your child stick to healthy eating principles. Click on the button below to learn more about these.
- Try to offer 3 meals and 2-3 snacks per day while generally keeping meal and snack time consistent. This includes any eating occasions at school.
- Teach your child that most of what we eat should be the more nutritious food options listed above, while junk food, fast food, and snack food should be viewed as treats to have occasionally.
- Your child will likely have more access to these treats at school and social gatherings; try to stick to healthier options in the home where you have more influence over what your child eats.
- If your child does not follow this advice and mostly eats these treats instead of the more nutritious food, then do not purchase these treats or bring them into your home so your child will not have easy access to them.
- During meals, sit with your child while eating and talk to them. Remove any distractions during meal time, in particular any screens. This promotes a more positive eating experience and will make it easier for your child to respond to their hunger and fullness cues.
- Do not try to make your child eat more food if they say they are not hungry. Most people do not have the same hunger levels every day, and it is normal to eat more or less on any given day.
- Eating more slowly, or taking a break between first and second servings of food, allows your body to start to feel full before you eat more food then you need. Help your child with this by serving appropriate portion sizes and talking to them during meals.
If at any point in time you become concerned that your child is developing unhealthy eating habits, where they are excluding certain food groups, binge eating, restricting their food intake, or anything else, please discuss this with your child's healthcare team.
Exercise
Children at these ages should perform at least 60 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous intensity physical activity every single day. This means the exercise should get your child's heart rate up and and make them breathe faster. This exercise should include aerobic activity, muscle-strengthening activity, and bone-strengthening activity. Click on the cards below to learn more about these.
Aerobic
Muscle
Bone
Peeing/pooping
Your child should not have accidents during the day. Bedwetting can still occur overnight, though this should decrease as time goes on. If your child is having accidents, you should discuss this with your child's healthcare team so they can test for any possible underlying causes.
Otherwise, you generally only need to be concerned about your child using the bathroom if:
- the poop is hard, large, or difficult to pass consistently, which can indicate constipation - you can read this article for advice on treating this
- there is frequent diarrhea, where the poop is watery
- the poop is dark black, a shade of red, or pale
- your child starts peeing much more or less than usual
If any of the above concerns occur, let your child's healthcare team know so they can help find any treatable causes.
Safety
There are several safety concerns in and out of the home. Click on the cards below to learn more about these, and you can read through the "Helpful Websites" for more general information.
Helpful websites
Below are several different safety topics, click on each topic to learn more about them.
General
Car safety
Ingestions
Choking/CPR
Falls
Water/Bath
Burns/Fire
Outdoors
Bicycles
Vaccines
If your child is already caught up with vaccines, including the ones typically given at 11 years, then there are no more scheduled vaccines until 16 years of age, when the following are available:
- Meningococcal ACWY - this protects against several strains of a bacteria that can cause meningococcal disease, which can lead to meningitis (a brain infection) and blood infections. More than 10% of people who get this will die from it even when treated. Your child should receive the first dose at the 11-year check-up. At age 16 they can get the second (and final) dose for the vaccine series.
- Meningococcal B - this also protects against different strains of the bacteria that can cause meningococcal disease. This type is less common so for generally healthy adolescents it is not as strongly recommended to receive this vaccine, but it is still available for those who want it. If so, it is given as a 2- or 3-dose series, depending on which brand is used, generally between the ages of 16-18.
Your child may also receive a flu vaccine (if it is the flu season) and a COVID-19 vaccine.
All the childhood vaccines have been given to millions of people and we know that they are safe and effective. If you would like more information, look through the "Helpful Websites" listed below:
Helpful websites
Common questions
Many parents have similar questions about their 12-17 year old children. Feel free to look through some of the most common ones below.
FAQ
Conclusion
Enjoy your time with your child as they move through the teen years! There are many choices you can make to help influence your child's growth and development. Thankfully, you do not need to be perfect, and you should not worry about doing everything correctly every time. As long as you understand the main ideas presented here, you should be in a good position to help your child grow and develop well. If you have any additional questions make sure to check with your child's healthcare team.